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 Gripping Tales of Derring-Do by BillerKay

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PostSubject: Gripping Tales of Derring-Do by BillerKay   Tue Jun 03, 2008 6:54 pm

"Billerkay, the Hapless Elf" in.....

The Quest for the Enhanced Fire Essence

Our tale begins on 2nd Auron, in the month of Fruitfall, the year 0009. The guild was in dire need of EFEs and our young hero rose to the challenge.
"I'll get an EFE, or this white thing floating over my head doesn't say Billerkay!" and off he went to mine sulphur (aka sulfur).
"With all this gear, I must get at least one efe", he thought as he stared down at the huge pile of sulphur and red bloomers.
"No, I'll do my laundry later", he thought, as he put the bloomers away to reveal a stack of red roses and snapdragons.

He mixed,
and mixed,
and mixed,
and mixed.

"Oh, fiddle dee dee" thought the tired little elf, as he looked down at the mass of quite evidently non-enhanced fes.
"I should have a sackful of EFEs by now, but not a one. Just my luck! . If I fell into a barrel of lollipops, I'd come up sucking me thumb!"
Clearly enraged by the whole thing, he went out and took out his frustrations on the goblins.

After the goblins had taken their frustrations out on Billerkay; he was walking back through the pleasant rocky land of Nordcarn when a shady character called out to him.
"Psssst", he hissed, "wanna buy some.... 'ing'?"
He was a big bloke, flashy armour, scary looking.
"Who're you?"
"Thor THOR"
"There's no need to shout, I heard you the first time."
"Better not rock the boat" thought Billerkay, "wouldn't want to cross him.He could make me very 'thor' indeed."
At that, Thor swished open his trench coat to display his wares. Billerkay's eye was caught by something; it was a sole EFE burning brightly. That's it, thought our hero, forget about luck, with enough cash you don't need luck.

"How much guv'nor?"
"Well, seeing as it's you, what about 3600 gc, and I'm cutting my own throat."
"Three thousand six hundred!", blurted out the elf, "That's quite a bit, give me some time"
"There's only one, and it's first come first served. You better be quick these things are rare, I don't know when I'll see another."

"He's got a point," Billerkay thought to himself. These things are so rare, it's not a rip-off, it's a fantastic opportunity. I need to make cash, and I need it quick!"

Time passed, and 7 Imps had lain down their lives for the cause. "Hmmm, 43 gc.", that's almost 0.12% of an EFE. This is going to take a while."

After much head scratching, The smart, good looking elf came up with a brilliant plan.

"Make something, and sell it." © Billerkay 0009

So he set to work, making Matter essences. At first it was slow going, but he remembered what 'D' had told him. (That's Mr. MZ to you) , and he hot footed it to the city of Whitestone where he purchased a score of Feasting potions.

"MMMmmm French Vanilla", he thought. "These things are delish!" and he guzzled them down while knocking out essences nineteen to the dozen.

With an average of 8 essences per Potion, and a cost 12 gc, he would need to sell them for at least 2 g.c. to make a profit.

With amazing business acumen and superb trading skills, Billerkay managed to find a dealer standing around near the entrance to the Valley of The Dwarfs, and going by the name of Shoprite. He was willing to take a sackful of essences, no questions asked, and was paying 6 g.c. each.

It was a long hard slog, but Billerkay toiled away,with only the singing sensation "TessAnna" on Radio Guild, to keep his spirits up.

Eventually he had the cash, and as fast as he could, the elf made his way back to Thor, with the shiny gold coins weighing heavily and burning a hole in his pocket. If only he could make it in time.

A lone wolf chose the wrong day to walk out in Nordcarn, and our bold young hero, feeling he could take on the world chanced to take a swipe at the unfortunate creature. It went down easily, but victory would turn to terror!

A puma happened to venture nearby, and Billerkay's wild lunges almost drew it into the battle. Could this be the end of Billerkay? Would he lose all the lolly?

Luckily, the puma walked on, completely indifferent to the frantic exertions of the frightened Elf. Phew, that was a close one.

Finally, he reached Thor, who, glancing from side to side, reached into his pocket and produced the ultimate prize. "YES! I've done it cried Billerkay, and he danced back to the storage holding the glittering trophy in his hot little hand.

The guild would have it's EFE after all, but that wasn't the only prize. Each essence had given him 45 xp, and he had risen by three levels in alchemy!

All in all, a very good day.
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PostSubject: Re: Gripping Tales of Derring-Do by BillerKay   Tue Jun 03, 2008 6:54 pm

The Ballad of Sir Gamefreaker the Gallant

In the woody lands of Siridia, lives an elf both gallant and true,
Who gives friendly help to one and all, especially the new.

In Isla Prima's famous Inn, across from the camp-fire,
A fellow elf was picking fruit, but looking rather dire.

"Ah Billerkay, you helped my friend, what can I do for you?"
"Well, I've been working really hard, and I need a pear or two."

"Fear not friend, I'll help you out, now, tell me your desire"
He told him of the guild of PoD, and the quest for enhanced fire,

"I'll get you fire, that's what I'll do", and with that he was gone
Joined the market on channel 3, and the dealers there-upon.

With businessman's vigour and his trading skills, and a little touch of luck,
Seven thousand gc, he had to pay, but he didn't give a ....er.... monkeys.

2 EFEs for Billerkay, and for the guild of PoD...
"I'll join this band of Paladins", if they'll give me the nod.

Some call this Elf, "The Newbies Friend", for you can trust him plenty
He's a spanish scholar , and there he's known as "El Héroe de la Gente."
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PostSubject: Re: Gripping Tales of Derring-Do by BillerKay   Tue Jun 03, 2008 6:55 pm

"Legends Of the Mule"

On the cold winters nights, When the hardiest of harvesters gather round the campfire. You may hear tales of the one they call the 'Mule'

Here is just one of those stories,

In other lands, you may hear of the tale of Heracles, a harvesting lightweight, who had to acquire some golden apples from Hera's garden. Heracles went to Atlas, and offered to hold the heavens for a little while in exchange for the apples, to which Atlas agreed. However, the next chapter in this story is less well known, perhaps to protect the guilty.

Heracles wasn't strong enough to support the heavens. He was buckling under the weight, but could find none other with enough might, to tackle the task. But the gods smiled on Heracles that day, for a brown caped stranger wearing a skunkskin hat wandered past.
"help me friend, for I cannot take the weight..."
"np", said the stranger, as he grabbed the mighty load.

Heracles was weak, and he went to rest. He slept soundly knowing he could trust the stranger.
His confidence was shattered when he awoke, for the stranger had gone, and with him the heavens. There was nothing above, but void.

In his panic he ran to the garden, to get Atlas' help. When he got there, he first found the stranger, who was himself picking the apples.
Boldly heracles confronted him.
"Oi you, what you done with the heavens?"
"Don't fear, they're quite safe. I just thought I'd take a break and grab some fruit."
"Cor Blimey!" he cried, "how many do you need? - that's amazing, but anyhow, this is not the time, I really must have the heavens back, or Atlas will tear me another one when he's back from picking fruit."
"heh" said the stranger, "that Atlas is a newbie, he couldn't get the apples, he didn't have the knowledge. I had to pick them for him", then seeing the look of terror in his eyes, he reassured poor Heracles. "Don't fret, they're quite safe." He smiled. "How many heavens do you need anyhow? I got about 6k in sto." ...

Some say it's a legend, a mere myth, a fantasy, but then again, every legend has it's roots in fact.....
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PostSubject: Re: Gripping Tales of Derring-Do by BillerKay   Tue Jun 03, 2008 6:56 pm

Back on your browser by popular demand! It's another Gripping Tale of Derring Do....

PoD Productions present.....

Sir Gamefreaker the Gallant, and Billerkay the Hapless Elf in the epic tale......


Bill and Game's Excellent Adventure



The lands of Seridia were buzzing with the rumour, everybody was talking about it, then rumour became fact...
A Dragon had been sighted!
The front page of the 'Daily Forum' had a fantastic picture of the dragon, and Dragon fever had bitten into the very heart of the guild.

"Wow, what would I give to see one of those?", said Bill.
"Would you give your life? Or at least a walk through the underworld?" answered Sir Game.
"hmmm", Bill paused for a while, before replying, "Gosh darn it, I would!"
"I could get a cool photo. Yes, this has to be done!" exclaimed Game, and they set off on their quest.

The journey to North Redmoon was uneventful, except perhaps for the incident with the feran (which, to protect the innocent, will go unmentioned. Suffice to say that some armour was soiled, but nobody was hurt).
As the two heroes approached the foot of the volcano, disaster struck! A mighty Feros, (terrible beasts; famed for their disregard of monster magnetism) stood before them. It blocked their path, but not for long...
"Aaaaarrgh! I almost had him", was Sir Game's final words.
"Don't worry Game, I'll get your db", shouted Bill, as Sir Game fell to the ferocious beast.
"Yeah?", replied Game, "well who's going to get yours?", as the red-faced Bill found himself once again reunited with his friend.

Bill made his way back to the South Redmoon basecamp, to get some first aid. By the time he was back at the foot of the volcano, the feros had gone, and so had Game. Bill made good on his promise, and got Sir Games death bags (both of them) and after retrieving his own, he thought it wise to return the contents to storage, and travel light.

When Bill returned, it was to find Sir Game taking up a strategic defensive position hiding behind a rock, and armed with a stick.
He quickly healed his accomplice and two adventurers decided to talk strategy.

[13:27:06] Billerkay: ready to die?
[13:27:07] gamefreaker: lets be smart K
[13:27:13] gamefreaker: lets out smart him
[13:27:16] Billerkay: sounds like the smart thing to do
[13:27:24] gamefreaker: he may be able to kill us
[13:27:27] gamefreaker: but we have brains
[13:27:32] Billerkay: okay, how about
[13:27:41] Billerkay: I go ahead and if I see him I run down
[13:27:51] gamefreaker: lol let me go first you have more to lose
[13:27:58] gamefreaker: and i have a stick

A cunning plan, one that couldn't possibly fail.

The two brave adventurers approached the mountain path, with the fearless Sir Game taking the lead, and brandishing his deadly stick.
What fool of a feros would dare to risk a mild scraping from the stick? Or be bold enough to take on the unenviable task of eating not one but two elves on an already very full stomach? We can answer that question easily. None. The way was clear, the feros had gone.

They made their way to the summit of the volcano, where they found the magical entrance into the grim depths of the volcano.

"It's hot in here!" said Bill, as the pair tried to find their way through the maze of caverns. They went in and out, and left and right and up and down. Eventually they came across.....
... their own bags of fruit they had left as markers.

"See I told you we'd been here before." groaned the fearless Sir Game.
"Hmmm, nice statue", Bill remarked.
I wonder which way to go now?" they both wondered.

Game calculated they only had another 47 minutes to find the dragon. Before they would succumb to the unbearable heat. The clock was ticking. So they set off again on their quest.

Alas the journey came to an abrupt end. The way ahead was impassable. The bridge that lay before them had been damaged, and there was no way across.

"Maybe can get across with a teleport spell", suggested Bill. "Of course, first we need to learn how to cast a teleport spell, but that's just detail."

The two brave adventurers were down, but not out.

"One day we will return! This mountain will not beat us!"
"Yes, we'll be back, with tele essences!"
"And we'll see how that Feros copes with a grizzly up his ass! We will be victorious!"


....... to be continued.
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PostSubject: Re: Gripping Tales of Derring-Do by BillerKay   Tue Jun 03, 2008 6:57 pm

PoD productions is proud to present.....
....Irrefutable evidence that sequels can be just as exciting as the original.



.... And now! The moment you have all been waiting for....

Sir Gamefreaker the Gallant, Billerkay the Hapless Elf and special guest star "The Amazing TessAnna"

in....

Bill and Game's Excellent Adventure (part 2)



The magical world of Draia is not without it's odd events. One such event occured recently, when one day, everybody would be forced to be nice to one another. There would be no more killing. The elf and the feros would walk hand in hand. It would be like utopia in Seridia. Everyone would have mercury, hydrogenium would be free to all, and only the PKers would be crying into their beer.

"What a perfect day to see the dragon!, come on Bill, let's go." urged Game, and the guys set off once more on their epic quest. They told the lovely TessAnna of their plans, and she decided to join them, meeting them on the way.

How times change, and with the use of the "Rangers Tourist Map" the journey to the cavern was without any complication, except of course the inconvenience of having to push their way through the crowds of other recreational dragon spotters.

It turned out that, according to the map, they didn't need to cross the broken bridge, and they quickly found their way to the odd looking obelisk where the sultry TessAnna was waiting for them. she had been there fore ages, yet she was still looking decidedly cool in spite of the oven like temperature.

Alas! It looked like the quest would come to another early end. They couldn't proceed any further.
"We can't go on without money." the bad news came from Tessies perfect lips, and hit them like a freight train.

Now, it was Billerkay's one shining moment! If only he could find the cash. He dug deep into his pockets, and there, nestling between some blue pocket fluff and a now sticky piece of candy were just enough shiny gold coins for the trio!

Yes! Bill the Hero had saved the day.

The three then went into the dragon's lair, and saw the dragon.... which was nice.


The End

Muwaaahahhahaa!, if the Matrix can do it, so can I! no refunds.
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